You’ll always be my girl.
—Chase.it.
I could KILL my email when I seen that this was saved. Considering i never get on a computer or check anything unless im looking for a specific thing. But, stupidly, i got curious with my past.. something we should never do. I feel like all the things that i did are coming back to me and are the reasons why i am the way i am today. Its sad to think that the perfect person for you is out there and you had to let them go because you could not change them. Maybe they werent perfect for you, but thats the only person that ever understood and accepted the way you were. Is that perfection? Or maybe its just fucked up. How is it that i met the one person so many years ago that i wanted then, and want now? Why do i feel these things still after loss of contact? No, i didnt love him.. i loved the idea of him. The ideas that he put into my head. How my life was planned so perfectly. But its never to be understood by others. We were never together. Only in our dreams. Only by what we said. I could never do distance again. All because of what the distance did to what we were supposed to be and what we were supposed to have. Maybe in a way it was just all a lie. You never intend to do everything you say. Its only said because you think that it sounds good at the time.. i hate you for all of this.
But thank you.
thank you for helping shape an imaginay person that i will never meet. Only in my dreams.
Every damn day I have too many obstacles in my way. School, school, school, work.. when does it end? I don’t want to continue but I know I have to. It feels like I’m trapped in a life of repetition and the weekends are full of work as well. No one understands how hard these last few months are on me. I want out.
My preworkout gets me pumped but makes me feel high af after. I could live in the gym tho. Omni is where its attttttt.
Does it even matter? The pictures, thoughts, relations, and education.. where does it all go when you’re gone?
